Catholic Annulment Problem
76
Annulments and me.
Walk up to almost any active or former Catholic and utter two words: "Catholic annulment." Chances are that you will be rewarded by eye rolling, anger, and head shaking. The annulments policy of the Roman Catholic Church is not on the top ten list of most admired things about the Church. In fact, it's right down there with male clergy and contraception. If you were to take a poll, you might find that the Crusades and the Inquisition get less bad press than the annulment policy. After all, how many Catholics have left the Church over King Richard's pillaging of the Holy Lands and how many have left because they felt like outcasts following a divorce and remarriage?
I, myself, am one of those who have remarried without the blessing of an annulment. I am a cradle Catholic of 62 years and had been an enthusiastic liturgical lay minister and educational minister for 25 years. Yet, two years ago I remarried without having gone through the annulment process and now I find myself searching for a new way to experience my Catholicism. Perhaps I will write a hub about that ongoing search but right now I want to examine the annulment policy a bit. After all, it inflicts more pain than a dentist without Novocain.
Of course I understand that the policy looks back at the sacramentality of marriage which, in turn, looks at the story of the wedding feast at Cana. But the Cana story says little about marriage and seems to be somewhat silent regarding the place of matrimony within the seven-sacrament tabernacle of the Church. Yet, the annulment practice rests upon the "rock" of the Church's position that marriage is a sacrament which can only be experienced one time in a life time. It is difficult for me to find that teaching in the Cana story. It us even more difficult for me to see how a Church Tribunal can rule on whether a sacrament was received by me 35 years ago. But that is what the process is all about. I could have the Church's blessing upon my current marriage if I submit my life and my former wife's to the examination of the Canon lawyers who will make a legal determination of the sacramentality of our act in the distant past and then pronounce upon the properness of my life today. Put another way, the Church will let a legal panel make a statement regarding the eternal salvation of my God-given soul. I am sorry, but I doubt that these fine lawyers know the innermost workings of my relationship with God. Perhaps another hub will deal with the apparent presumption of power to grant salvation or damnation from the chair in Rome. So, I have two problems with the Church's policy regarding annulment: I cannot see the Scriptural basis of the sacramentality of marriage and I cannot accept the legalization of salvation with regard to annulments.
But, much of what I just discussed is somewhat ethereal. I can also look at the humanity involved. My previous wife is a very conservative Catholic and, to her, she is still married since the Church has not pronounced otherwise. In fact, it would seem that she has taken on the role of a married Catholic as a large part of her identity. Now, the civil divorce was very painful for her. If I were to enter into the annulment procedure, I can only imagine the impact that would have upon her. There is a saying: "No pain; no gain." Now, why would I inflict such pain for little personal gain? It makes no sense to me.
So now I consider myself to be a "non-practicing Catholic" - whatever that is. I do not feel "kicked out" and I do not feel "excluded". I simply broke the rules and I moved from inside to outside. Prior to this, I would not have spent three hours of meditation in the desert at a Franciscan center on a Sunday. I would have simply have gone to Mass for 45 minutes or so and done something else afterwards. But that's a different story.
 | Amazon Price: $7.44 List Price: $14.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $6.79 List Price: $11.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $11.98 List Price: $11.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $3.04 List Price: $9.95 |
- Times of India: Tamil Nadu groups campaign hard against inter-caste weddings
In a state that claims to be progressive, caste divide is rearing its ugly head once again. Reversing a recent positive trend, caste and communal leaders have been warning good samaritans against helping distressed couples of different castes from getting married and also issuing diktats against love marriages. - 2 days ago
- Korea Herald: Seeking the core of Korean Buddhism
For Sem Vermeersch, associate professor of religious studies at Seoul National University, this year means a lot. - 2 days ago
- AP: Maine churches planning to collect cash to fund opposition to gay marriage ballot question
Scores of Maine churches will pass the collection plate a second time at Sunday services on Father's Day to kick off a fundraising campaign for the lead opposition group to November's ballot question asking voters to legalize same-sex marriages. - 2 days ago
vote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (4)
- Funny
- Awesome (1)
- Beautiful
- Interesting (1)
CommentsLoading...
Your answer is not in the wedding feast at Cana, but rather in Mark ch. 10. The Pharisees tempted Our Lord, asking him if it was lawful for a man to put aside his wife for any reason. The answer, "They are not two, but one flesh. What therefore, God hath joined, let not man put asunder." It seems pretty crystal clear to me. It also shows what the Church has always taught, that Christ raised marriage to the dignity of a sacrament.
As far as an anulment is concerned, since marriage is a sacrament, it is a grave sin (i.e. a damnable offense) to divorce. An anulment merely states that a valid sacrament never took place. Without this declaration, the presumption has to be that it was in fact a sacrament and that, given Our Lord's words above, no man has the right to put it asunder.
Divorce is not a sin. In fact, canon law states that divorce may be necessary to protect the mental and physical health of the spouse or children. The Church views divorce a civil necessity, along the lines of needing a marriage license and certificate. You cannot apply for an annulment without first completing a civil divorce.
The Church views marriage to represent God's love for his people. If your marriage was far from that you may very well be able to petition for an annulment.
Regarding the abuse of the annulment process...
I just spent 2 long years in the annulment process. I received dispensation to marry in the Church in 1972. I was raised to believe marriage was for life but found that my new husband had told so many lies about himself that I married a complete stranger. I stayed. He raped me in order to get me pregnant, and then, starting the very next day and for 5 months, demanded I get an abortion. I did not get one. I stayed. He abused our baby, so I never left him alone with the child. I stayed. HE had an affair and moved out of the family home. I finally filed for divorce - a horrific divorce that took 6 1/2 years in court. He married his mistress ASAP. There were 5 court appointed psychiatrists during our divorce because of HIS behavior - I set a court precident that required him to get a psychiatric evaluation by court order. It stated he was a sociopath. A psychiatrist was ordered by the court to control visitation in order to protect our 2 toddlers. In spite of this, we still ended up in criminal court and he came 1 jury vote shy of going to prison for the rest of his life. I always wanted to return to the Catholic Church and be confirmed but thought I couldn't since I was divorced. Finally, I began RCIA classes and the annulment process. I was confirmed this past Easter. I was not remarried, so I was able to receive the Eucharist and confirmation. I have been single many years and met someone 4 years ago that I now want to marry, so I need the annulment. I submitted court documents, letters from the court appointed psychiatrists, and witness testimony to verify everything. I signed releases for all the professionals, but he refused to sign ANY releases. He had NO witnesses, not even from family, and produced NO documentation. He made up stories to refute my claims, but had no evidence. Imagine my shock when I read the Publication of Sentence and it was full of lies about ME! It resembled nothing even close to the truth! It said things like, "His witnesses support him and her witnesses support her because they are their friends" which means they ignored my witness’ testimonies completely - he had no witnesses. My friends and family did NOT lie! If they weren't going to use witness testimonies, why did they waste 6 months accumulating them? The lady from the tribunal called me on Monday to tell me I got the annulment. I was not happy. I was angry! The judges signed a bunch of lies. I am a person of integrity. I NEVER lie! I am hurt and outraged! I feel humiliated and victimized. The adversarial annulment has caused my ex-husband to start stalking me and my adult children again. Per 5 court appointed professionals - he IS dangerous to us! If you know anyone that wants to get an annulment, tell them not to unless they want to be victimized and humiliated, have a bunch of lies published about them, and re-expose them to every emotional abuse their ex-spouse ever perpetrated against them!
Me, my ex, and God all know the truth - the marriage was never valid! God holds the trump card. My conscious was already clear. I do NOT need the Church's permission - the church needs the annulment in order to be comfortable performing the marriage ceremony. No one should go through this abuse! Whether the marriage is valid or not - God knows the truth and that prevails!
I'm in the middle of an annulment after 40 years. I did feel kicked out when I remarried....and needing spirituality I found Self-Realization Fellowship and began practicing meditation. I' going through the annulment for my current husband, a cradle Catholic, who married me anyway last December. It's amazing to me that the Catholic church wields so much power. I'm just trying to keep my own peace and hang in until it's over.
Blessing to you...T:)
Pope Benedict XVI's gave a speech to the Members of the Roman Rota on January 29, 2009, denouncing the abuses of automatic annulments and the widespread pessimism this creates about marriage. His comments echo earlier concerns raised by Pope John Paul II. Unfortunately, North American bishops (Canada included) will continue to wilfully ignore concerns raised by the Vicar of Christ and nothing but nothing will happen to correct these abuses at the diocesan level.
I understand the de jure difference between a divorce and a declaration that there was never a sacramental marriage. However, when almost every Catholic who gets a divorce and applies for an annulment is granted one, then I think it is safe to call it a de facto Catholic divorce. The sharp rise in annulments from a few hundred per year in the 1960s to close to 60,000 per year by the 1990s is not solely the result of living in a secular pro-divorce and pro-abortion culture. The pro-divorce culture has infected and metastasized within the Catholic hierarchy, diocesan tribunals and seeped into the spiritual direction given by priests who counsel divorce and annulments.
Most of the annulments are given for lack of discretion or judgment and rely on “experts” to provide psychological evidence that one or both of the spouses was not psychologically able to understand or live up to their marital obligations. The marriage tribunals defer to the psychological experts in the same manner the church deferred to the psychological experts when they were unable to hold pedophile priests accountable for the crimes because of psychological reasons. In a similar fashion, the experts employed by the marriage tribunals will always find that one or both spouses were not self-actualized individuals capable of making a lifelong obligation. Besides, most experts don’t believe in sin so it is inconceivable to them that somebody could “sinfully” choose to terminate a valid marriage. Annulments are just as scandalous as the pedophile abuse scandal.
Tribunals actively promote annulments by advertising them as "healing" in diocesan newspapers, deny respondent's procedural rights on a wide scale basis, require the respondents to keep their silence so nobody will know what has been done to them, and grant annulments to virtually every petitioner who asks. The practical effect of all this has been to transform annulments into de facto Catholic Divorces. These abuses are very well documented in Robert Vasoli's "What God Has Joined Together; The Annulment Crisis in American Catholicism" and powerfully described in Sheila Kennedy's " Shattered Faith: A Woman's Struggle to Stop the Catholic Church from Annuling Her Marriage ".
Andrew Cana
The Catholic teaching on the indissolubility of marriage does not come from the wedding feast at Cana, but from Matthew 19:4-6.
Why do the Catholic church always get 'hammered ' when they follow through on the teachings of Christ.
I think it is totally rediculous to have to go through an annulment to satisfy some nosey bodies.
Prior to meeting my husbnd now I was divorced some 10 years prior to meeting him. When I met him I was not Catholic. I rent through RCIA to become Catholic and through the annulment process them could marry him. My annulment was totally stupid. I had to contact prior in-laws and get depositions from them. Mind you I had been divorced for 10 years and had a hard time finding them and they all thought this process was sooo stupid. I rally had to convince one that this was what I needed to get re-married.
When you talk about what God puts together let no man put assunder---that is rediclous too because then you are assuming that God did anything and that is a MAN thing, not of God.
The bible desn't tell anyone to get involved or nosey into others marriage. MAN says that.
Annulment is totlly rediculous and uncalled for. Since we don't know what is on God' Minds we should assume anythig. It is just an excuse for perople to stick their noses into other businesses they have no business getting into.
BTW, I am not catholic anymore. My husband still is and it works for us.
Oh my, I am sorry for the typos. I was in a hurry and one of my cats were bothering. I can't fix the errors now! So sorry.
I cannot believe there is anyone who takes the catholic religion seriously. I saw its gross hypocrisy from about the age of 15 after severe convent school brainwashing.I am now 60 and nothing has changed.
Get a life you poor souls, think for yourselves. There is a loving and rational world out there. The Pope etc are after your money, and want power over you and that's all there is to it.
While LIVING WITH his girlfriend, my ex-husband, filed for Catholic annulment. Meanwhile, I have taken responsibility of the huge financial debt he left me with, and have managed to continue to contribute to our child's college fund. He has not contributed one dime to that fund since he left, yet managed to find the $300 necessary to file for an annulment while LIVING WITH his girlfriend. Hypocrisy? I think so.
It is strange isn't it how many different opinions there are. I for one went through the annulment process for 2 years. It was very healing for me. I was wanting to join the Catholic Church and I had to do this first. My husband who was not Catholic at the time,did not protest. Was it hard at times,yes it was.In the end our lives improved. I felt better for coming to a place of wanting to submit to God's authority in our lives.For us it has been an absolute blessing from God,and we are very thankful.
Incredibly, so far only Free Spirit seems to have seen through the rank hypocrisy
of what amounts to a crypto-divorce procedure. The only reason for it is that the church wants to keep control over its gullible adherents, and of course, pocket the revenue arising from their mistakes.
The 'difference' between divorce and annulment can only be dissected and explained by a Jesuit-trained sophist: they abound in Rome.
I am totally disgusted with my annulment experience. My husband cheated on me, treated me like trash and blamed me for his infidelity, got his girlfriend pregnant, and then begged me to stay with him after he found out she was pregnant. I knew there was no way I could live with that, so I divorced him. I then find out he got an annulment behind my back and then married the same girlfriend in a Catholic church. When I found out about it, I appealed it and went through the whole process. It was immediately clear from my first conversation with the monsignor (who would be ruling on my case) that he had already decided the matter and that nothing I could say or show would make any difference. He even straight out told me that if I had gotten pregnant, then he "wouldn't have had the need to look elsewhere". Disgusting! Anyway, I went through the whole farce; I provided my statement and plenty of proof, four witnesses including two of HIS own family members and HIS former employer (a Catholic priest). His only witnesses were his mother and siblings. I was not surprised when I discovered last week that I lost the case. The whole annulment concept is a joke--if that guy can get an annulment, then really anyone can.
I have concluded using logic and scientific clues that first relationship between a virgin man and woman permanently alter part of their Genetic Code (physically become permanently one). Thus subsequent relationship outside the first creates addiction too difficult to overcome. I was questioned mainly on the Biblical support which I did not use in my first book. So I looked at the Bible for support which I found more than clear evidence to that. I realized that the entire salvation plan and the design of our existence depend on abiding by the Creator design that is essential to this issue. I respect the Church rules and decision, but I can clearly see that annulment although has a good intention, clearly increase divorce and ruining the sacrament of marriage on those committed to it and devaluing the call for holiness and chastity. I realize that my voice is probably in the wrong culture at the wrong century that no one would agree or accept including Catholics. I have written two books and have them available for scrutiny at http://www.UltimateGoalOfLife.com It is important for us who failed to abide, at least to help the next generation to follow.
bottom line, an annulment is not about a church trying to gain power or be nosey. it is about the spiritual well being of the parties involved in the process.
I tried to get my annulment quite some years ago. I was refused because my ex-husband would not cooperate. He didn't want anything said about what he did to me. Yes I did remarry and we are married for 28+ years. He is a very good man too. My ex-husband was very abusive to me that's why my first marriage ended. What was I suppose to do, stay married and keep getting beaten up!!! I thank God at the time that I had my parents that I went home to. I just don't understand why I was refused my annulment. I did everything that the Church wanted to me to do. I had all my witnesses and letters too. I had police reports and everything. Just because my ex wanted no part of the annulment process. It's funny he was raised Catholic but never went to Church. I on the other hand go every Sunday and still do. But now this is something that I live with everyday of my life. I just feel so guilty about not getting the annulment. I know this sound so stupid, but I can't help the way I feel. I even feel that God will someday punish me for ending my marriage.
Can anyone comment the notion of a Catholic employer requiring its upper management to seek annulement in order to be hired for the position? My family is going through this and I find the legality of this questionable. This is a Catholic health system requiring this.
I got an annullment to marry my second husband. It took about 9 months did not cost a cent as i was pretty well broke at the time. We were married 25 years and he finally passed away. We shared a full life with the church being the center of it. I found the annullment process to be helpful, gave me time to really look at myself and my part in the breakdown of the marriage. If you want to be a Catholic you must abide by the teachings...it will bring peace to your soul.
I was divorced 36 years ago. There are various reasons, one being that at the time I ws under pressure to marry an Anglican as my mother who was also divorced, had fallen out with the Catholic church. I re-married shortly after my divorce to a Catholic man to whom I was previously engaged. We married in a civil ceremony. I would like to become a Catholic but have no witnesses from my first marriage for an annulment. Is there any way I can move forward on this?
AWRS,
I think you simply need to go to your local Catholic Church and ask the priest about how to start the annulment process. You can use secondary source witnesses if needed.
In response to all the objections about the annulment process, I think it makes all the sense in the world. After all, do we want the civil authorities determining whether a marriage is valid or not vailid? The civil authorities are telling us that gay marriage is valid! I want the Catholic Church telling Catholics whether they have a valid marriage and not civil authorities.
From what I understand I would have to divorce my current husband to be accepted into the Catholic Church! Why, because I am divorced and remarried. My first husband left me for my best friend. My current husband is not Catholic and thinks annulments are non-biblical. So, if I want to join the Catholic Church I would have to get an annulment after 30 years from my first husband AND divorce and get an annulment from my current husband. This seems rather CRAZY to me.
The Roman Church allowed for divorce for the 1st millenium. Annulments are a medieval invention like much of what they teach.The Eastern Catholic Church in union with Rome continued to allow for divorce and remarriage until 1920. That means that the Vatican either turned a blind eye to this or consented to it for close to 400 years. How sad. I am not trying to attack the RCC but this is one area where it is wrong and cannot stand on the historical record. Contaception is another area. They also have absolutely no idea how to minister to LGTB community. Very sad.
How can a person who was married for 20 years had four kids receive an annulment through the church? What is the status of the kids when the marriage is voided? Doesn't that make them Bastards? Why was the ex wife allowed to keep her married name after the annulment and why should the husband pay her child support if they were never married? This is one of many things that Catholics do that are totally CRAZY!
I wish the church would rethink this whole annulment process as It can be dangerous for those who've been abused. Should those who can't risk contact with an abusive ex just walk away from the church? Sadly perhaps it safer that way. No wonder so many leave the church, who can blame them.
That is totally illogical to believe that a Catholic annulment renders children illegitimate. If their birth certificates state that they are legitimate then they can't be rendered illegitimate by an annulment.
Yes it's illogical that's my point! So how is it that a church can annul a marriage that lasted 20 years and produced 4 children? You do know what annulment means don't you? The Catholic church is so full of hypocrisy it's pathetic.
An annulment means that some impediment existed from the very start of the marriage that made the marriage null and void. That is possible after 20 years and 4 children because an impediment can exist and the husband and wife engage in sexual relations to produce 4 children. And then after they divorce and start the annulment process then they realise that there was an impediment to their marriage. I have no problem with Catholic annulments if there are grounds for an annulment. What is illogical is to believe that a Catholic annulment renders children illegitimate.
To anonymous, you are obviously a brain washed Catholic. I bet you could find a good reason why so many priests rape children too. That and so many issues with the church should have any intelligent person get out and get out quick! I can make you a list if you want.
Karen, no I can not find any good reason why priests rape children. That is totally wrong for priests to rape children. Every homosexual priest should be kicked out of the priesthood. In fact homosexual men should never have been permitted to become students at the Catholic Seminaries in the United States. There is nothing wrong with Catholic annulments if there are grounds for an annulment. I am choosing to remain Catholic so that I can attend church on Saturday Vigil instead of Sunday to leave Sunday open for other activities. Yeah go right ahead and you make that list of the many issues with the Catholic Church that you have. I will then compare them to the issues that I have.
Peter O 4 years ago
Sounds like your refusal to accept the Churches teaching of annulment results from a deep seated pride or arrogance that is present in most people who are wrong and then confronted with their incorrect actions.
An annulment does not make you a bad person. What it makes you is someone who made a mistake- [ i.e. human]. So really you're persistence in denying the sacrimental nature of marriage just goes to show you were not quite as "religious" or "enthusiastic" in your lay ministry as you thought.
(Mk 10:7-12; Mt 5:31-32; Lk 16:18)